Permission or Blessing? By Crista Tharp
Posted on Mar 19 2008
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Yes, it is still traditional for the Groom-to-Be to ask for the Father-of-the-Bride’s “blessing” before he asks her to marry him.  It used to be considered “asking permission,” however, that has become very controversial.  Because Brides are older and a lot more self-sufficient and independent, many Brides and/or Grooms are offended by the concept of a Father having to give his permission for the marriage. 

We all come from different backgrounds and traditions and have different relationships with our parents, so there is no easy answer to this.  Being aware of how important your Father feels this tradition is and sharing it with your fiancée is critical.  For many, asking the Father-of-the-Bride for his “blessing,” however, is a sign of respect and, more importantly, it is also a great way to establish a good relationship with her Father.  If the Groom does not do this, it can cause a lot of hard feelings.  What I do suggest is if the Groom chooses to ask, be thankful that he respects your parents enough to keep them included.  If he didn’t and your Father is offended, talk to your Father and let him know that there was no disrespect intended.

I have seen both sides of this issue. In fact, when sitting in a recent business meeting, I realized just how split people are about this tradition. One father said he would be furious if his soon-to-be Son-In-Law neglected to ask for his blessing. He considered it hugely disrespectful to be one of the last ones to know. However, his wife added that their daughter would basically shoot her fiancée’ if he asked “permission”.  Think of the position that this puts the Groom in. Who does he choose to disappoint? Frankly, he is in deep trouble which ever way he goes.   Take this all into consideration when dealing with this issue.  Remember that there are two sides to this and try to be as considerate as possible.