These three things can be some of the most stressful issues that you might face during the planning of your wedding. If you can take a step back at look at the big picture, you might find that they won’t be issues at all. 

 

Let’s start with the “mother” of all cliché’s, the Mother-In-Law. If you have a good relationship with your fiancée’s mom, fantastic! But, if you have a relationship more like the one between Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez in “Monster-In-Law”; READ ON.

I know that you have been trained your whole life that this day is all about you – it is your dream wedding after all! However, this is a union of two people and their families. If anyone tells you that you are not marrying your beloved’s family; they are not married, lying, or living in a huge world of denial. Now, that’s not to say that you can’t have your own opinions and your own life. But you do need to take more than your own views into consideration.

You are marrying your Groom because he is the most incredibly handsome, kind, perfect man in the world. He is your Prince Charming, your Knight in Shinning Armor, and the Wind Beneath Your Wings. A very wise man once put it this way, “the two of them together created the love of your life. No matter how you feel about them personally, you have to respect them for that.” Good point and words to live by.

“But Crista, you don’t know this woman!” you say. Trust me, I’ve heard and seen just about everything there is out there. This is your chance to prove what a strong and compassionate woman you are by taking the high ground and working to make this wedding memorable for everyone involved. Your Mother-In-Law is about to lose her son and during the process, she feels like she’s being shut out. Try to put yourself in her shoes, how will you feel in 20 years when your son gets married. Use this as a kind of courtship for the two of you. Invite her to get to know you a bit more. Here are a few things that will help you make her more a part of the process.

 

1.         Invite her to lunch where you can fill her in on the progress. Tell her your colors, what the dresses look like. Make her know that it is important to you that she feels updated on the process.

2.        Make sure when going over the day’s agenda that the Groom’s parents know what is going on. Sometimes, the Bride takes care of everything with brute force and forgets to fill them in. They don’t know if there is a cocktail hour or if they even have a reserved table. This goes with being a gracious hostess, not just to your guests, but your family as well.

3.        Have your Groom escort her down the aisle. This isn’t taking anything from you. It is a wonderful moment for the two of them, not to mention a great photo opportunity. Think of it as his way to say goodbye to his childhood in order to move onto his new life with you.

 

As with anyone else you deal with during your life, be kind, courteous and classy. Sometimes things can get strained when you pull two families together that have different backgrounds. But remember the third rule of Bridal Survival: Don’t forget what this is all about. You’ll soon be in marital bliss and starting a long and happy life together.

 

 

Today, in our country there is a 51% divorce rate and families are more “blended” than ever.  It is hard enough bringing two families together much less three, four, five or more, but it is do-able.

Every family has its own dynamic. For example, some families are very respectful of each other. They realize that the biological parents are the “main focus”, but the step-parents are honored as well. This is done by getting them a corsage or boutonnière, having them escorted down the aisle, and maybe giving them a special duty in the ceremony such as reading or saying a prayer.

However, some families have a lot more issues they have to deal with. There may be severe anger still involved and how do you give everyone the honor they deserve without hurting anyone’s feelings and fanning the flames? EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT and there is no one right answer. When dealing with some of these situations, keep the following in mind:

 

1.      Pick your battles! If going a little further than you intended makes things go more smoothly – do it. Don’t dig your heels in over something that is minuscule in the scheme of things. And don’t forget, this is the spouse of your mother or father. Treat them with respect.

2.      Your biological parents always get first preference. Obviously, there can be exceptions to this depending on your family; if you haven’t spoken to your Dad since you were 2, or your mom left the family to be a burlesque dancer in France. Use your own discretion.

3.      They should be escorted down the aisle as long as this won’t cause WWIII.

4.      Some Brides have difficulty choosing who should escort her down the aisle if her Step-Dad played a large role in her life. This can be a very delicate situation, but it is often solved by having the Step-Dad escorting her half way up the aisle & her Father taking her the rest of the way to the altar. Or vice versa.

5.      It is your choice whether to have your Step-Parents in the receiving line or to have them introduced into the reception. Usually, they are in both.

6.      Remember that there is only so much you can do. As frustrating as this can get – this day is meant to be a celebration, not the signing of a peace treaty.

7.      When it comes to seating, married couples should sit together. Since families of the couple should have a reserved table, you may find you have three or four family tables instead of just two. No problem. Just make sure there is a “reserved” tent card for each family and let them know where their table is. Problem solved.

 

 

Having a large amount of kids in your family tends to give the parents of the Bride heart palpitations just thinking of the money it will cost to feed them. I know this from experience. But it really isn’t that bad. In fact, I will give you the two most popular reasons given for not having children at the reception and then show you how you can change them into reasons for including them. Not only that, Ill explain how to make it so fun for them that you will have great memories of being kid-friendly. Really!

 

1.     They are too expensive. Actually, you don’t pay for babies and usually kids under 12 years old count as half an adult. Even better these days, caterers are offering a kids buffet or kids meals. This can be anything from Macaroni and cheese to chicken fingers. It is much cheaper as well.

2.     They just run amuck and create problems. Well, I suppose if they don’t have parents to watch over them, this can happen. But the main reason this happens is because they are bored. Give them something to do! Go to the dollar store and create a gift bag for them with a coloring book, crayons (no markers), bubbles, candy and fun stuff. They love this. I once had a Bride who created a coloring/activity book off the computer with a maze page asking them to help A.J. find Mindy. Parents are also thrilled with this distraction. Another popular thing is to create a kids reception. This doesn’t have to cost anymore than hiring a babysitter. Create a section for kids in the reception hall, hire a babysitter, and give them activities to do. Serve them pizza. I promise they will love it.

 

1.      Ask the D.J. to have props for the kids. This can be some of the funniest and most entertaining parts of the reception. Kids don’t need alcohol to act uninhibited – they do it naturally.

2.         Have a dance-off for the kids. This should be one song and can only be pulled off with a fair number participating. Have prizes that you can give out. It is great entertainment for the adults.

 

Something you need to consider: often, if a couple has children and there are no kids allowed, they will skip the wedding. It can be because they can’t find a babysitter or they can’t afford one. There is an argument to be made that weddings are all about families, which includes kids. I can tell you that the most enjoyable weddings I have ever been to, catered to the kids. Don’t just automatically discount the value kids can bring to your special day.